CRICKET….LORDS AND THE LADIES!

A BIG DAY OUT  …..by EDITOR DES

Well when we were in England last time,  Dr Bob decided  we would go to the cricket in LONDON. It was supposed to be a bonding session, as me and Pauline have had a few ‘issues’ lately (her fault, not mine).  It was the Ladies Ashes one-day game….a very important event  I believe.  Here we are leaving on a beautiful summer’s day, from our nearest train station…Taplow in Buckinghamshire.  They have a giant boot sale here,  where Pauline threatens to sell me.  Shes only joking of course, because I’m very special.

Dr Bob said we should walk to the famous Lords ground  from Paddington Station, because Pauline needs lots of exercise ..ha ha.  Halfway there she said she was tired and would cycle the rest on the way on a Boris Bike.  But you had to put money in and she didn’t have any….what a shame!!  I don’t walk anywhere much.

What a sight it is ….. that first view of the cricket  ground.  We were looking across  to the old Victorian Pavilion. This is where the famous Long Room is. Pauline said she and Dr Bob went on a tour of it a few years ago, and the guide told them that the Australian cricketer Rodney Marsh once threw his cricket bat and smashed a glass showcase.  Probably a horrible English lie.

Oh dear, by the time we took our seats Australia had lost two wickets already, for only twenty two runs.  It was very disappointing. There was a tour group of Aussies behind us and  in desperation they started  that dreadful Oi Oi Oi chant. Pauline wanted to go home, but she started eating our picnic lunch, so that was good. Dr Bob had made it all, but don’t tell Pauline I revealed that.  The herbed pork and apple  sausages  were very flavoury, I thought. They came from Oxford’s covered market.

We steadied the ship and got to 203 at the end of our 50 overs…. with two wickets in hand.  Probably not enough, Dr Bob said.  Pauline  (as usual)  started chatting to the English  lady in front of us,  who was an artist and sculptor.  We gave her a bookmark and she  said could she have some more  please as all the ladies with her were from a  walking group and might like to buy All Along the River : Tales From the Thames.

THE HALLOWED TURF

Dr Bob was very excited because the announcer said everyone could walk  out onto the famous cricket  ground and ‘perambulate’ between innings.  That means stroll. But he warned that if we perambulated onto the wicket we would be thrown out poste haste, whatever that means.   Anyway, Pauline and I stayed put and ate more picnic lunch.  Dr Bob enjoyed poncing  about pretending he was a test player …he soon might be, the way our men players are going!

So then it was England’s turn and our bowlers bowled 14 wides in the first 20 runs. The very pro Pommy  crowd started singing;  ‘We’re going to win in extraaas!  It was terrible.  The Aussie tour group had disappeared so we had to bear the shame  all by ourselves.  There was a scruffy man near us who was supporting the English team very vocif….loudly. Pauline said she was tempted to tell him he should have combed his hair and beard  when he got up.  Oh my word, thank goodness she didn’t!   It was all very tense and I certainly  didn’t go to  sleep  on Pauline’s knees like I did at  the Paul Getty cricket  ground!!

They got to about 60 before losing a wicket, which we thought had  probably cooked our goose.  By the time we were finishing the last crumbs  of our picnic they  were up to 150!  Dr Bob reckoned their run rate was a bit low though, so there was a glimmer of hope. AND THEN….Ha ha, it all started to go wrong for  them and wickets began  falling like drunken sailors.  The scruffy loud man fell silent and  in the wink of an eye it was….

ALL OUT  for 176.

Well the elderly  English artist lady  was furious with her team.  And I think I saw her rip our bookmarks into tiny pieces,  but I didn’t tell Pauline.  I posed for a show-off  picture on the way out shouting;  ‘We hit ’em for SIX!’….much to the annoyance of opposition  passers by.

We were a very chirpy little trio and brimming with love for each other again, so the bonding plan  worked well.  Stopped for coffee at a hookah smoking cafe on Edgeware Road (Pauline used to work  in this street when she was  much younger, selling not  very many  Television sets.)  A handsome young West Indian fellow wanted her to have a go with a hookah  but she thought it might reignite her old  addiction to nicotine, and politely declined. She gently  told him it was  unhealthy, but he said he always  went to the sauna after smoking and that cleared his lungs….!!!  ?? I don’t smoke, well not very often, and I never inhale.

So here we are back at Paddington  Station, where  a distant cousin of mine  from Peru was once abandoned. He became world  famous in the end so I was temped to  deliberately abandon myself!   Couldn’t be bothered in the end though.  It was a very lovely day out.  Thank you Dr Bob. xxxx

NB –  YOU CAN LEAVE A MESSAGE FOR ME,  DR BOB, OR PAULINE  IN THE COMMENT BOX BELOW.  HOWEVER!….  YOU HAVE TO DO THE LITTLE SUM  (BELOW THE BOX)  BEFORE PRESSING THE ‘SUBMIT’ BUTTON OR IT WONT POST!!!   SEE YOU NEXT TIME….EDITOR DES. X