One day Editor Des and I were walking the famous Thames Path near London (as one does) when we stumbled upon the tiniest gnome in the universe. He was standing on a pile of golden sovereigns at Putney.
I’m afraid Editor Des quickly scoffed the coins, which turned out to be filled with chocolate. Then he popped the gnome in his pocket. We were packing for our flight home a few weeks later when I noticed Des slipping the little elf into his suitcase, singing an excruciatingly bad song he had composed. It went like this;
NOW MATTER WHERE I ROAM
THERE’S A TREASURE TO CARRY HOME.
ONE LITTLE GNOME DOESN’T ADD MUCH WEIGHT,
ESPESHILLY WHEN HIS COINS ARE ATE.
Oh dear me, Desmond. Do not use words if you don’t know how to spell them. And you an editor!
Anyway, that’s how the little fellow was brought home to our garden at Blackheath, in the Blue Mountains of NSW.
Life wasn’t meant to be easy and Gnome’s wasn’t either. He missed the river, even though he found a nice little place to live in the mountains. It was on a mossy ledge, which he shared with a charming young frog. Unfortunately it didn’t last because I needed to move the underlying rock and the pair were unhappy with the new location.
In the end Froggy moved to a drain pipe. Gnome didn’t like the sound of that one bit and simply sheltered wherever he could. Then one day he came across a wishing well in Memorial Park. Now gnomes believe implicitly in the supernatural and so forth, so he borrowed a coin from Editor Des and wished for the perfect abode. It was for a good cause, anyway.
And do you know what? The wishing well delivered the goods!
Gnome and Frog remained very close friends. Their adventures were legendary.
Alas, there were mishaps. How each of them lost a leg has never been revealed, but it may have had something to do with sword playing. It was certainly very careless.
Battered, but bravely venturing onto the ice rink.
To their credit, neither let the loss of a limb interfere with their lives to any extent. Frog, being French, was fond of wine and good bread, which led to some fine old times.
Gnome earned a bit of money appearing in pantomines and loss of limb insurance advertisements. He was able to upgrade from his cute cottage to a more substantial home
Then one day he invested in a lottery ticket. And guess what? Yes, won first prize of a modular home worthy of Grand Designs….. plus a red sports car.
May you live a long and fulfilling life, Gnome. One day I might take you back to visit the Thames.