INTRODUCING EDITOR DES OF BLACKHEATH
Thanks for agreeing to this interview Editor Des. I must say, you are the personification of sartorial elegance today.
A. Thank you. I bought this suit in a posh shop at Henley-on-Thames. Well that’s in England.
It does look quite expensive. Now to begin with, what do you know about your origins?
A. Well I don’t know much, but I think my foreBEARS (so to speak…get it?) came from China. I went to the family history room at the State Library in Sydney, but their resources were very poor in the bear line.
Oh that’s a shame. Never mind, you have very special guardians in me and Dr Bob, don’t you?
A. Well Dr Bob’s alright.
That’s not very gracious, young man. Quite unkind really, but I’ll carry on. What made you get into editing?
A. It was because I went to see Dr Johnson’s house in London. He was a famous dictionary writer and I got very interested in words, commas, fullstops… stuff like that. I thought I could help you because you make such a lot of mistakes in your work.
Thanks, how generous and diplomatic of you. NOT.
Speaking of London reminds me….what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?
A. Hmmm….we both know it was when I got left behind by you and Dr Bob in a hotel there a few years ago. By the time Dr Bob came back ten stations on the train I was on the cleaner man’s trolley. I put a lot of my poor behaviour down to this traumatic event. From then on I felt I had to make my presence felt anyway I could.
Hmmm….. I think you would agree that smoking and drinking have been issues in the past, but what is is the worst thing you have ever done?
A. It was when I got both you and me thrown out of a world -wide gardening forum for posting inappropriate material about a SNAKE.
Yes, that was very embarrassing, but extremely unfair I have to say. You were only joking. Anyway, moving on…. (gotcha moment coming) would you call yourself loyal and trustworthy, generally speaking?
A. Yes I would!
Really? You might like to give that answer a little more thought, Editor Des. Remember this? (dear readers, just click on EXPOSE )
And this disgraceful manuscript I found you working on?
A. mumble mumble *#!$#*&#*!!
OK, we will draw a veil over all this for the time being. What is your most prized possession? I mean besides your editing pen.
A. My bike, even though I really want a sports car.
What are you most proud of?
A. Umm…..lots of things, but I had my portrait done by a wonderful artist called Mardi Storken. That was very excellent.
Anything else you want to talk about?
EDITOR DES – Yes, when do we get to the bit about my unbounded talents? I play the harmonica and the pan pipes pretty well, and I can stand on my head.
THE PROFESSIONAL LIFE OF EDITOR DES
Oh…..Okay. I also know that besides editing you have been involved in a good many occupations, such as quarry owner, barista, and market gardener. How has it all been going?
A. Ummm…..the rocks didn’t sell well because of the spiders hiding under them. And my coffee never did pass Dr Bob’s quality test. But I am already a champion in the plant growing world. I grow all our culinary herbs plus carrots and potatoes. Do you know what? I grew the biggest spud in Blackheath. Just saying.
Very impressive. What are you hoping to get for your next birthday Editor Des?
A. Well I want cold hard cash really, so I can ask my girlfriend Milly to marry me. She’s very beautiful and kind. I’ll need to buy us a little house.
Milly certainly is special. Well Editor Des, you seem to have settled down in life and have your future all mapped out. I hope that any thoughts of unauthorized biographies have faded from your mind (I’ll show you the delete key on your laptop.).
A, Thank you Pauline Conolly. Well I’ve written lots of stories on this website. Like THIS ONE
And these ones….
Alright that’s quite enough. I’m sure people will find them if they are interested.
Goodbye Editor Des, this interview is over. Thank you for your time.
Editor Des – you said I could put in a link to my Facebook page.
Oh, alright. Go on then.
Thank you . Please give me some more likeys everyone, because I have to catch up to the bear in the musty duffle coat and smelly red boots. Click here to find my page. FACEBOOK SUPERSTAR
If you would like to leave a message for Editor Des, use the comment box below. Don’t forget to complete the anti-spam sum before pressing SUBMIT
EPILOGUE – SINCE THIS INTERVIEW WAS RECORDED EDITOR DES SUFFERED A SERIOUS HEAD INJURY, FROM WHICH HE IS STILL RECOVERING. A FEW PICTURES ARE WORTH A FEW THOUSAND WORDS.